I have a friend, Jesse (not his real name), who comes home from work, exhausted. After unwinding, he still feels depleted, unable to be there for his wife and children. He asked for my suggestions, so I told him the classic story of the 2 monks.
~~~
There were two monks crossing the river with a fast-flowing current and slippery rocks. They saw a young woman in trouble, struggling to keep her footing. Monk Metta, offered to help, carrying her on his back. Having reached the bank, she bowed her head and thanked him.
Both monks continued on their way home. When they were out of earshot, Metta’s friend was irritated and angry.
“How can you break your precept like that? Don’t you know carrying that young woman will stir up your desires? You’re in a lot of trouble now,” said his friend.
Metta remained silent, while his friend rumbled and preached all the way home. Before entering the monastery’s gate, Metta turned to his friend and said:
“I stopped carrying that woman, while I was carrying her. But you are still carrying her now.”
~~~
I asked Jesse what carries home with him from work. He said unfinished projects, thoughts of unfair decisions from management, feelings from critics of his peers and even unrealistic expectations of himself.
“How can I stop carrying all this sh*t home?”, asked Jesse.
“Maybe create a personalised symbol, or a ritual that to signal to your mind to let go. For example, when you open that door at work to go home, let the air wash over you, leaving everything in the office, so you’re nice and clean emotionally and energetically. Or, the moment you turn off the light in the office, turn off all thoughts and feelings regarding work.”
Jesse tried this and after following up, he said it helped him feel more relaxed and less worried. He can now enjoy life more at home and be there for his family.
What we carry can be on many different levels. Most often, we carry the past – traumas, other people’s opinions, plans and problems, old injuries, injustices and past insights. Sometimes we run these programs for sympathy, acceptance or self-identification. When we are react to, think about, or talk about an issue, we make it stronger by feeding it and carrying it forward. Any habits or recurring patterns that are fed, will grow and be maintained. It’s healthy to process thoughts and feelings with people who are in our support system, but prolonging, carrying them forward in time for months and years is unhealthy.
Being in the present with mindfulness will alleviate the burden.
Compartmentalise our lives helps.
Have boundaries for different roles within ourselves,
From body, feelings, mind to spirituality,
Is self-respect and self-care.
Today I shed my burdens and fly like a bird.
I shed the trauma, the hurt I carried from childhood.
I shed regrets, future anxieties, anger, self doubt, fear and guilt.
Ask yourself, do you react from the past and future
or
Do you react to the person and situations as you see them now today.