When I was young and searching for the meaning of life, I thought it was out there.
What is my true self?
Not knowing that the seeker, me
is both the answer and the obstacle.
When we put ourselves under the microscope and see what the reality of this body and mind is. We realise:
We are not authentic.
We are but conditions imposed and instilled in us.
We have inherited many life traits that make us.
The emotions we feel is not ours but fabricated.
Our free will is not free but dependent will.
Our choices are not ours, but are run by many beliefs, programs and instincts.
Our knowing is not ours but distorted and filtered.
Seeing this, knowing this we stop the identifying with these.
When we have a sense of self, our centre is very predominant. We know exactly who knows, who feels and who observes. We have a centre of references. This core is the very illusion that is extremely difficult to penetrate. As we stay objectively present observing, we get to familiarise ourselves with this centre.
What we can observe,
The thoughts, the feelings, the body,
We are not that.
It is crucial that we know the objective knower well. One day when we turn the inquiry back to the awareness itself and it disappears, we will also know. The contrast between having a defined centre, full of opinions, versus an emptied, stilled silence is, phenomenal. You can’t miss it. So, there is no way that a person is empty and does not know it.
Know thyself
For enlightenment to happen, this knowing needs to cease too.
The program “I am”
This program, “the I am”, is extremely tricky and sticky to penetrate.
I know therefore I am
I think therefore I am
I feel therefore I am
Because our consciousnesses always arises together with other phenomena, it seems like we have this continuous stream of one type consciousness (soul). When in fact, we have 6 consciousnesses, each arises on their own as a phenomenon, according to the law of dependent causality. As long as we have this sense of I am, our perceptions, our beliefs, our emotions are subjective, filtered and distorted. Even when we feel/think we’re at peace, at contentment, without desires, unattached, unbounded; this “am-ness” in itself is the clinging to existence.
Last night was a stormy
Thick mist descended
Come morning, the sun broke
Nature
Nature is nature both inner and outer.
Thoughts swirl and unfold according to its kamma,
Just like the weather.
Try this out. Imagine you’re in your house with 6 doors, representing our 6 senses. Whatever touches those doors, see it arise, abide and fall. In the beginning, we don’t need to know what causes it. Just the experiences at the doors. There can’t be 2 touches at the same time. For example, hearing arises, falls then pain arises and falls. We can do that with thoughts and different sensations of pain too. From this, insights arise, and experiences come and go. There is no need for me or mine.
Be the gift
When we stop having the Ï , then there is more perspective on our inner states.
There is sadness, but not I’m sad.
There is joy, but not I’m happy.
That is an empty hut.
Seeing ourselves is to know we are the processes that run continuously in experiencing the world. These processes include both the 5 physical senses and the consciousness sense. When you know you are the process, there is a gradual release from attachment to the self. This marks the first stage of awakening.
To see yourself is the greatest gift.
To relinquish yourself, you become the gift.
When we totally relinquish all attachments and identification, that is full awakening. We become the gift itself; an immense field of blessings.
I constructed myself
On my empty lot of land
I’ve constructed a house
An average structure for my family
Me
Next to it a workshop,
Equipped with tools and benches
Paintings and books,
Me
I’m the observer.
I’m also the observed.
I’m the builder of structures
I’m also, the concepts,
The materials, the construction.
We are made of these 5 processes: the body, the feelings, perceptions, mental activities – will power, and consciousnesses.
When consciousness cognizes the other 4 processes, we are the observer because we know and aware. But we are also the process itself, which makes us the observed. We are made of them, sustained by them and are them. The seemingly separated individual builder of the house is illusory.
Today I’m taking them down
The identities that I have constructed
Leaving an empty land
Where the river can flow
And flowers grow
Unconsciously we’ve built many personalities and identities for whatever reason in the past. We upkeep and maintain our projections by all these coping mechanisms of denial and suppression. We are co-dependent and sustain each other’s sense of self.
Today have a look inside at which one can be released.
To be more real, more authentic, we strip back layers of ourselves. We don’t just clean and simplify our external clutter. We also dust out personalities and beliefs that are out of date, the masks we used to wear and the views we held on to. Why keep something that hinders our happiness and limits our possibilities?
Those that have weathered the path should be aware of newly formed attachments that give rise to complexes, such as the teacher roles and the spiritual ego.
When we are on retreats and our equanimity has established to some degree, it seems like our land is back to an empty lot. But look around: nails and planks are still lying around. Watch carefully at what makes us feel, our emotions. That is where our attachments anchor us.
The “I am” is the interactive processes of attachments.
There is no builder of the house.
The one who feels, who thinks, who’s conscious,
Is a phantom perception.
3 Questions
It only takes 3 questions to begin awakening to the dynamics of reality of this program, “the I am”. For example, we ask
- Is the eye subject to change, impermanence?
yes
2. If it’s always changing, impermanence, is it stressful?
yes
3. If it is subject to change, and a disappointment: is it me, is it mine?
No
The last question might be difficult for some people to understand why the answer is no. We’ve been taught that everything about our body is me and is mine. The same with what we think, and feel are also me and mine.
If our body and mind are ours, then we would be in total control of them. If we didn’t want pain, then we wouldn’t experience it. If we wanted forever happiness, then we could have it. If we wanted eternal youth, it should be possible. Yet, that’s not how life is. We have no control on aging, sickness, loss and death.
Reality is changing: therefore, anything that arises or depends on it must also be impermanent. For example, the shadow of a tree changes as the tree and sun changes. The flame of the candle changes as the wax changes. Therefore, the shadow or the flame are also impermanent.
Following this logic, this sense of self, the “I am” also changes because it’s dependent on the body, on thoughts, on feelings and awareness.
Just as the shadow changes with the sun and tree, the “I am” changes with the body, feelings, perceptions, mental activities and consciousnesses.
This line inquiry is very powerful because it starts to dismantle the mechanics of kamma. We should apply this questioning to other senses such as eyes, ears, nose, tongue and touch. With the mind sense, apply to perception, thinking, beliefs, feelings, emotions etc.
If done properly, there arises a sense of objective awareness on people, on life situations and whatever is happening within us.
This is the first stage of awakening: to realise we are not what we observed or the observer.
Khemo Sutta:
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